Temporary Skank

"I am a lady by day, a tramp stamp hooker by night. But only temporarily! As soon as I remove my jeans to fuck the shit out of you, I am a tramp stamp hooker no more!" This is fuckin genius.

The Hangover Cocoon

Feeling a bit sluggish from a rough night with Jack? Jose got you all sauced up and now you're feelin it? Behold: THE HANGOVER COCOON!!

FAIL

Hot and sexy Playboy

I just LOVE when I see women with Playboy paraphanelia. First of all, were you Miss December? It is appropriate for Holly Madison to wear a jewel encrusted Playboy bunny pendant necklace. It is inappropriate for anyone below a 9 to do the same. Skanky, trashy, idiotic, and foreign are some of the words I would use to describe this offender:

Readers, please feel free to send me pictures of the like. If you're lucky, I'll feature your picture in my blog.

Brilliant words from the mind of Khia.

Remember "my neck, my back, lick my p***y just like that" singer/rap whore Khia? She has put out a statement directed right at the ladies with some REAL home advice on how to keep your man happy. After reading, in all honesty, this woman is fuckin brilliant. So no judgement here. Just eat it up ladies.

1) "Plain sex is so boring. Get all dressed up [for him]. Roleplay is the ultimate. Everyone’s into this threesome thing, but there’s no way there’s going to be another woman with my man because I’ma beat you and drag you. So ladies play different women so you can keep your man excited. Try different wigs [or] dress up like a maid. I love fishnets and having sex in heels. Guys always go to the strip club because you bitches are boring in the bedroom. Turn into the stripper for your guy. If he comes home and you got those heels on and it’s late, he knows what time it is. You know I got a pole in my house—I got a portable pole (laughs). Have on something sexy and just seduce him. Go to portablepole.com, it’ll pop up."

2) "Don’t be scared to bring candies and toys into the bedroom. Some guys are jealous of dildos because of the size, so what I did to kind of ease [my ex-husband] is introduce him to the jumbo candy canes that they give at Christmas time. I like that better because number one, it doesn’t look like a penis that’s bigger than him, so he won’t be jealous. Plus, it makes the vagina taste wonderful and the peppermint makes it tingle a little bit when he blows. It’s good when he’s giving you head; it looks fun and kiddie-like going in, so he’s not intimidated."

3) "Blindfolding is also good, and handcuffs too. You can get all kinds of games where you roll the dice and one side says ‘blow me, kiss me’… I like all that kinky stuff. But you better not whip me!"

Read More: Celebrity gossip juicy celebrity rumors Hollywood gossip blog from Perez Hilton http://perezhilton.com/#ixzz0rpXnEvTh
Celebrity Juice, Not from Concentrate

StumbleUpon

And you thought "two girls one cup" was strange. This is BY FAR the weirdest shit I have ever seen on the internet.But it IS actually work-friendly/appropriate.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/5RgEFo/gudhak.org/flash/safetyliteral.swf

Eastbound and Down

If you haven't seen the HIGHlarious Eastbound and Down on Showtime, well then, in the words of Kenny Powers the gym teacher, "You know what? I can already tell that I don't like you. And I'm probably not gonna like you no matter how many pull-ups or push-ups you do. All right, anybody who wants to pick on anybody in class, aim for him, 'cause I'm not watchin'."
Regardless, in episode 2 of season 1, Will Ferrell cameos as Ashley Schaeffer, the used car salesman. A day after I watch this piss-my-pants show, a man on the metro strieks me with an incredibly uncanny likeness to Ashley Schaeffer.

The real Ashley Shaeffer...

And the METRO Ashley Schaeffer...

Prease, don't make me go back to work tomorrow mommy!

Obviously I'm awkward and stare at people's cute kids and ooh and aah over babies. What was interesting about this group is that all four kids are practically the same age and size. (Quadruplets?!) Then I see the one kid passed out on the bench and I figured it out: The Asian mom and dad used their super Asian smarts to clone one child into four. Reason? To send them to work. Work at the factory. Packaging rice and manufacturing Hello Kitty trinkets.

My mother is my stepdad's aunt who is my daughter's cousin who is my grandfather's mistress.

Its a little fuzzy (since it was taken in the deep, dark depths of a DC metro station). So here's what this advertisement to entice people to vacation in West Virginia actually reads: "Falling in love takes on a whole new meaning. West Virginia. Wild and wonderful."

Popped collars are so 2009

Still wearing your collars popped you douche bags?

Don't you know... whats hot right now is the in-turned collar!! I wish I was the chief editor at Vogue magazine so I could promote this woman to Fashion Editor. This will be a trend people!! (Or maybe she just got a stain on her collar at work and tried to hide it??)

Metro twins

Since you're an idiot, I'll list out everything thats funny about this picture:
1. Asianness.
2. They are sitting in the exact same position with one foot in the aisle.
3. They are both wearing Tommy Hilfiger yellow polos.
4. They are both generally awkward.
5. The one in the front looks EXACTLY like what the one in the back will look like in 40 years.
6. I thought for sure that when we got off at Shady Grove, they'd exchange some kind of interraction like they know each other, but no- these twins had no relation.

Another Online Dating Gem

At first glance, this man who messaged me spurred a reminiscent memory of a friend from the past. A good friend from highschool- he was half black, and half asian. Hence, a warm spot in my heart for the blasian men. So I get a message from said blasian onliner, and I decide to take a lil peak at his profile before just automatically clicking the delete button without even reading the lame attempt at a pick up line. I'm thinking, with the current Tiger Woods scandals, maybe the blasian man is a man of curiousity and interest at this hour. So I click on dood's profile... here's his pic:

Standard cell phone camera bathroom self pic (CPCBS).

So I'm like OK. He is thinkin he is hot, kinda playin on the Tiger Woods swag right. And then.. I scroll on down through his pictures... and there it is...

Oh no he didn't!!!