My Bucket List

1. Get accepted to the University of Maryland grad school. Then get hit by a UMD shuttle (drunk) bus and have the university pay for my tuition.
2. Get struck by lightning and use that, not pot, as an excuse for why I can't remember anything.
3. Participate in a flash rob.
4. Become a registered sexual offender for being a cougar.
5. Get a celebrity to sign my boobs, preferably a UFC fighter.
6. Crash a wedding, get really wasted, and hook up with the best man.
7. March in a Pro Life rally- those are some really crazy motherfuckers.
8. Deploy the reserve parachute while skydiving so I can briefly feel the adrenaline of watching my awesome life flash before my eyes.
9. Flip a burger at McDonalds.
10. Teach all of my children to walk in a perfectly synchronized line.
11. Walk a goose on a leash.
12. Patent, brand and market "Awesome Sauce."
13. Sell my body for drugs.
14. Perform a Jackass-esque stunt. With Johnny Knoxville.
15. Be an audience member at the Jerry Springer Show. NOT on the bucket list: Be a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.
16. Discover the inventor of pet rocks.
17. Drink something really gross for $20 since I was too goody goody in grade school to pull off that shit.
18. Have my name printed in the Guinness World Records Book... not sure what for yet.
19. Create my own font called Jay Pea.
20. Say "SAYONARA SUCKER" to a boss and quit.